
When my first born was just two years old and my second born was just barely 2 months old, I was given an opportunity to break away from the chaos of my overly-stimulated house for what promised to be a relaxing, rejuvenating, and inspiring seminar hosted by our church. It was going to be filled with five things I LOVED:
1. Time away from my home in a casual, comfortable environment.
2. Time with other women from my church who I adored and respected.
3. BETH MOORE!
4. Beth Moore talking about loving well! I love talking about loving well! :)
5. EATIN' FOOD! I love eating FOOD!
HELLO. Can you say, "WINNING" over here? No? People stopped saying that months ago? Oh. Okay. Well, pretend they didn't and stick with me here. :)
THE SEMINARI was running a little behind, as usual, but nobody seemed to mind me coming in late. I found a seat and joined in the singing. I closed my eyes and soaked in the calmness of the moment, embracing the idea that no little people would be interrupting me any time soon. Ahhh....
I had my own personal notebook with me, knowing I would not want to miss any important tidbits I might glean from the ever wise Beth Moore. I tried to maintain my big bubbly handwriting as I scribbled down her words as fast as I could. She told us that there were four different kinds of people, and she backed that up with scripture. She said we all have people in our lives who fit into one of these four categories. She went on to explain the four categories as follows:
1. Joy (to love)
2. Testy (to love)
3. Foes (those you hate)
4. Far (Stranger- you don't even know they are there)
Beth said that those who are a joy to love are usually those people who naturally energize you, and immediately my heart felt light as my mind played a short slide show of sweet dear friend after sweet dear friend who make me a better person just by being in my life.
Then, Beth went on to describe what "testy to love" people are like. Beth said that "testy" people in your life are the ones who drain you. Hmmmm.... drains.... I racked my brain. Who is it that really drains me? I knew what the "right" answer was, but I didn't think anyone at my table would understand. I scanned the room trying to find someone to exchange glances with who "got me." I wanted someone to give me the "I KNOW!! YOU AND ME are the ONLY ones in the room who REALLY get what TESTY is!" look, but I couldn't find anyone. I was just about to give up when...ah HA!!! YES! She'll understand!!! My friend had a two year old too! There is no such thing as a two year old who wasn't TESTY, right? She wasn't looking at me, so I leaned back and resolved to wait to catch her until the next break.
INTERMISSIONAs I filled up my plate with cute little snacky things, I caught her attention. I waited for the right timing then cracked my joke about my son, the "energy-zapper." My friend looked surprised, which made me really confused.
"You know, the 'testy' one?" I clarified. "Your two-year-old didn't come to mind when Beth Moore described the 'testy-to-love' person in your life?"
"NO!" She explained, "My two-year-old is my JOY to love! He's my energy GIVER! I can't wait to be with him!"
"OH...yeah...okay... (I could feel myself slinking back a little)... WOW! Well, that's GREAT!"
MY CONVERSATION WITH MYSELFI felt like the WORST mom on the PLANET! That conversation totally rocked my world! What just happened!? REALLY!?! Wait!? Was she serious? She was. What's wrong with me? I had to ask myself. I needed time to process.
How is this possible? I mean, I get it if you are around a two year old for a half an hour, running around having a good time, ya know- eating ice cream everyday, but hour after hour, minute after minute, second after rip roaring, thunder-raising, house-destroying second!?
Then it dawned on me... she was a working mom, and I was a stay at home mom. It was not about either of us loving our children any less. We both cared IMMENSELY for our little ones, but we were coming from opposite worlds, so to speak. She was in a position where God was calling her to deal with difficult and immature, energy zapping adults all day, so when she looked into the eyes of her two-year-old, she saw innocence and vitality, perfectly combined with sweet, refreshing, boundless love. She looked forward to the moment when she could squeeze the soft cheeks of her two-year-old.
But, see, when I looked into the eyes of my two-year-old, I saw something different. My eyes were half open, because I was really tired, and my two-year-old's eyes seemed to scream at me, "YOU AIN'T SEEN NOTHING YET COWGIRL!!! SADDLE UP, CUZ I'M JUST GETTING STARTED AND YOU'RE NOT EVEN OUTTA BED YET!!!!!!! SO YEEEEEEEEEEEEEHAAWWWWWWWW!!!" :)

I mean, of course, I'm joking... kind of...
Perspective--it matters, doesn't it?
Don't we all struggle as moms? Each of us struggles in our own way.
- One mom who has to work full time feels the guilt of not being around her child(ren) enough.
- Another mom didn't see her child when he fell and got hurt, and she blames herself as she rushes him to the emergency room.
- Another mom yells and spits out words of disapproval like fireballs then weeps as she considers how her words could scar, or even worse, mold the little ones most precious to her.
- A mom cries at night as she replays the words her daughter's teacher sent home. Will her daughter be labeled as the bad kid? Is she a bad mom if that happens?
Right?
MY QUESTION TO YOU, AND THEN MY ADVICE TO YOUFIRST MY QUESTION:
DO YOU HAVE YOUR SAFE PLACE? A place where you can be real about the struggles of parenting, and the joys? A place where you can admit when you need a break and let down the burden to be perfect for a short time? In a world where we are taught to view things through the news and cast our vote, we are almost brought up thinking it is good and acceptable to judge one another, but that is not how God would have it... and we're not helping ourselves out, or each other out, by doing that.
WHAT I WANT YOU TO CONSIDERIf you haven't found your safe place, find one. If there isn't one around you, create one. Let it start with YOU, if you have to! Make a place that is free of condemnation, belittlement, scrutiny, chastisement, and judgment, by being the person that sets the bar, and calls people to join you!
1. Get involved in a group with other moms if you aren't already.
My church is starting a Mom to Mom group on September 15. You are welcome to check out our facebook page
here if you are interested in more information.

Many churches do MOPS (Mothers of Preschoolers) groups, and those are very easy to look up and locate by going to one easy location online. To find a MOPS group near you, you can click
here.
2. As moms, it does not serve us well when we size ourselves up against one another. Instead, we should come together in support and love, choosing to learn from one another...This is also known as edification. Do not tear each other down!!! PLEASE!!! I BEG YOU! Don't do it to yourself, or to others. Give yourself a break, cut yourself some slack, and then offer the same grace to everyone else around you.
"Make allowance for each others faults, and forgive anyone who offends you. Remember, the Lord forgave you, so you must forgive others." ~Colossians 3:13
"Finally, all of you, live in harmony with one another; be sympathetic, be as brothers (sisters), be compassionate, and humble." ~1 Peter 3:8This post was written by Alisha Hughes. Alisha Hughes is one of the leaders of the Mom to Mom group that meets at Valparaiso Nazarene Church in Valparaiso, Indiana. Alisha has temporarily dropped off the Meal Planning Mommies blogosphere for a while to tend to her other blog @ BeComforted.com. Feel free to stop over there and check out some of her latest encouraging and uplifting messages when you get a chance.