Wednesday, May 6, 2009

A note from the Out of the Box mommy

Alright, alright...for those of you who have bravely stepped up and shared your opinions on our choice to take a break for the good of our own families, I would like to take a moment to respond. First of all, thank you for those of you who have either understood our choice, or have had responded with grace even though you did not understand. My initial thought was going to just click "delete" when a comment was not encouraging, and move on with my life because I really just don't want to have to answer to anyone at this time, but one comment showed me that it would probably be wrong for me to do that. So, here it is, although, it is only one of several that have said very similar things:

"You do realize some women manage to work full time AND cook while pregnant? And some of them have other kids, too! How hard is it to toss cream of mushroom soup into the crockpot with some random other crap and call it a "meal"? Crystal Paine (Money Saving Mom) is 40+ weeks pregnant with 2 little girls, is still blogging, still twittering AND still cooking.

You are an embarrassment to working mothers, and women in general."


Okay, so several things could be said here. :) I would like to start though, by reminding moms not to size themselves up against other moms. If you feel like you have to do it all because someone else is doing it all, please be encouraged and know that you can take a deep breath and do only what YOU are being called to do. If you feel like you are a failure if you aren't working 40 hours, keeping up a blog, having a perfectly picked up house, spraying on makeup before the hubster comes home, and lighting a candle over dinner each night then PLEASE give yourself a break! Crystal Paine, in particular, is an inspiration and I thank her regularly for the way she has inspired moms. I applaud her for being as efficient as she is. Her blog has gone from a hobby to a full time job and she is marvelous at it. Our blog is still a hobby, and not producing (even remotely) that kind of income. There were days when I was staying up very late to post pictures and I had to ask myself, "why am I doing this?" I needed a break. I was continuing to post just to avoid people leaving comments like the one above. I would HATE for anyone to call me "lazy" or "an embarrassment to women!" so I kept posting. Finally, after admitting where we each were at (I will spare you all the details, although between the three of us: battling depression, morning sickness, and not being home for days at a time is among them) we all said, "You know what? We all need a break. Let's take one. We'll jump back when we can do the blog and not have it be at the expense of our own families, and ourselves.

Fellow moms, are you feeling beaten down? Take time to pour into your spirit and do not let other moms work you down and make you feel small when you don't measure up to the expectations they are placing on themselves. Your situation is unique, just like everyone else. We are all on our own unique journey.

I would like to end with a verse that was in my Bible Study this week.
"Blessed are the merciful, because they will be shown mercy."
Matthew 5:7

Thank you to the ones who have shown us mercy at this time.

43 comments:

ANGIE said...

Wow what a comment. As a mom of 6 I know that all pregnancys are equal. I'm glad that you are womman enough to stand up for yourself. Everything has a time and a season. Get well soon. I love the blog!

snbjork said...

I honestly can't understand why someone would feel it appropriate to make such a comment to you! It's ridiculous that people feel it their right to beat down others just because they can't be a superwoman like "so and so".

You acted in a very appropriate and gracious manner. I'm not sure I could have been so patient if someone said that to me. You go girls! And, for Pete's sake, sit down and have a little rest if you need to regardless of what anyone else says! =)

Heather, aka Jake's Mommy said...

Good for you for standing up to comments like that. This is your domain in the bloggy world. And, as one of your daily readers, I totally understand and encourage your choice to take a pregnancy hiatus!

If you want guest posters, let me know and I can round up some recipes. Until then, have a happy pregnancy (all 3 of you!).

Jackie K said...

Wow! I am so sorry someone left you a horrible comment. Family comes first and so does your health. I LOVE your blog, but if you guys need to take a break that is soooooooo understandable. You guys take your time it doesn't hurt for us faithful readers to go back and check past blogs. I will be praying for all three of you and your families. Take care:)

The Ehr's said...

I can't believe anyone would be so thoughtless and leave such a harsh message. Thanks for being brave enough to respond and for being brave enough to take that much needed break!

Doodle said...

I am so sorry that people have been so rude to you. I am proud of you for taking a break and doing what is best for your family. You have encouraged me to take better care of my family instead of checking my blogs so frequently. Be blessed as you take a much deserved break.

The Ice House said...

I'm so sorry ANYONE would put you down for your choice. My goodness. This is just a blog about food. As lovely as it is, it not something to beat someone up over. You do deserve a rest and I hope you enjoy it to it's fullest. Your friends in "blog land" will be here when you are ready to return. God bless you all in this time of your lives.

Jodie said...

I am also one of your daily readers and I do love your blog. But, your family and your health come first. I am sorry that someone posted such a comment. It is hard enough to be a woman and mom, but we shouldn't beat each other up about the choices that we make. We should be uplifting each mom especially when we don't know everything that is going on in that persons life. Take a break and get yourselves and your family healthy and those of us who are your loyal followers will be here waiting for you!

Crista said...

It is insane to me that one mother would be berating another over her choices about what she wishes to do with her time. We mothers should be supporting each other, not tearing each other down. Goodness knows that society and media do enough of that for us.

I think your choice shows a lot of wisdom and, with the a--rchive you have provided to us, I am sure that none of us will be hurting of new meal ideas anytime soon. (Personally, I am a HUGE fan of your toddler meal suggestions.

Anyway, nevermind the haters and best of luck with the new additions to your families. The fact that almost every blogger I follow is having a baby or has had a baby in the last couple months is making me awfully clucky.

Ashley said...

Hello wonderful ladies,

First of all, thank you for your blog. It is more than enjoyable!

Secondly, great job for realizing that a break is needed and that ultimately you are responsible for your families and not for feeding us each day ;)

I'm sure that by the time our children are raised, blogging will have evolved and posts will magically appear.

Someday, when our children come home from college for Thanksgiving break and bring their friends, our homes will be welcoming, loving, and filled with joy.

And we'll smile, knowing that by God's grace, we made the right choice for our families.

Wishing healthy pregnancies to all three of you!

Ashley

Tracy said...

Are you kidding me??? This is exactly why I have been battling with depression issues and other random feelings of failure in my life as of late. Because other mom's feel the need to be judgemental and NOT Christ like in their dealings with other moms who are in the exact same situation. Sorry for that run on sentence but COME ON! You guys just do what is best for your families and for your own well being.
SHAME on any other fellow mom (wheter working outside of the home or at home) for judging you so harshly. Come on.
I am so sorry you have to deal with people like that. So sorry. Don't give up...most of us out here can totally relate and have got your back! I am shocked!

suzanne said...

I will miss your blogs while you are taking needed Family and Me time. You do this because you want to and not because you are paid to share.
Please let us know what?? and when the whositis are born so we can be happy for us. Until then we wil miss you and be sending happy,pleasant and peacful thoughts your way Hugs suzanne

Penny said...

Wow...what a horrible comment to leave someone! I haven't been reading your blog for long but you certainly are NOT an embarrassment to anyone! I see that the comment writers profile is NOT available. Nice to see that she can drop a bomb like that and hide behind her computer screen. People only make comments like that to make themselves feel better in some way. Ignore the haters and do what works for you and your family. Feel better soon and good luck with your pregnancy!

Jenny O. said...

Bravo. And thanks for all of the great recipes. I'll look forward to your return, whenever it may be.

Lisa said...

I also say, "Wow", to the comments that were made. Our family has been so blessed by your blog. Thank you many times over for the efforts you have place into this form of communication and the encouragement it has been to other mothers. I would hate to think anyone would ever take this for granted.

I actual applaud you for wanting to be excellent in caring for your family(s) rather than being excellent in a blog. I'd much rather have my children remember me by my love and care for them, then for them to say, "Mommy was always busy..."

May your family call you blessed...

The Hansen Family said...

You have way more self-control than I ever could have after a comment like this! My greatest fear after becoming a mom (and even before) is failing or making a mistake that will affect my children's lives (even though I do every day). For someone to call you an embarassment is absolutely beyond reproach, her comment will only make us moms feel even worse about ourselves.

I do love to read your blog and love the great recipe ideas, but it is your choice and your choice alone on what to do with it. There is nothing more important in the world! Good for you and (most of us) will welcome you back with open arms when you are ready.

Jamie and Katie said...

I am so sorry that someone felt the need to say such awful comments to you! We don't pay you for your services, and you are generous to offer us wonderful meal ideas for every week! (As a side note - I love Money Saving Mom, too, but even she has posted that she made TONS of freezer meals to help her during her "pregnant" times.) You have posted so many meals for us to choose from that there is no reason for anyone to be lacking for creative meal ideas. If you ask me, that sounds like laziness on their part for not wanting to do the extra work! I hope all three of your pregnancies go well and that you each get through whatever part of the roller coaster ride you happen to be on right now! Thank you for helping me to create some great meals for my family!

Starr said...

Wow! I was truly surprised at this post! What makes one person think they have the right to judge another? Not only that, but this is YOUR world here and that person was a visitor! If she is unhappy with you or your blog, she only has to click on the little red X and she won't have to look at it anymore, right?
I am so sorry someone verbally attacked you like that. I get a lot of enjoyment from your blog and I have referred it to several young mothers. I say keep up the good work but only when you feel up to it! Your priority is to yourself and your family! Take care and God Bless! Hugs!

Me said...

Thank you for posting! I love your blog and love you for standing up for your self. I don't know why anyone would ever think it is ok to make those kind of judgements or comments to anyone else. I work full time, and Mommy and Wife full time and know more than anyone that life is about choices and the best you choice you can make is to do what's best for you and your family no matter what anyone else says.

Thanks for what you do! Can't wait to see what comes up when everyone is up to posting again!

LaTanya Harper said...

I am glad you realize what is important in life. A GREAT Mother (and Woman) realizes that by not taking time for yourself and your family that both will suffer. What is the point of being "supermom" if you are completely frizzed out? Your kids might remember that mom had some kind of blog but they will ALWAYS remember how great of a mother you were. Thanks for being an inspiration to all of us.

Oh and if you were to "toss cream of mushroom soup into the crockpot with some random other crap and call it a 'meal' " (per Aimee) you wouldn't have the great readers that you do.

Thanks for all of your great recipes. I recently found your blog and have not looked at all the recipes available, but am looking forward to cooking some of them soon!

Happy Mothers Day!

Susan said...

Good for you all. I'm sorry for the poor comments of others, but I appreciate what you guys have done and will keep your blog on my favorites so I can keep getting yummy recipes in the future. Good luck to you all with your upcoming arrivals and relax while you still can.

Tara said...

I'm so sorry for the terrible comment that was left! I can't believe someone would be so insensitive. I COMPLETELY understand your decision to take a break and applaud you for putting your families first. I want to share my favorite quote with you by a woman that I very much admire:
"We women have a lot to learn about simplifying our lives. We have to decide what is important and then move along at a pace that is comfortable for us. We have to develop the maturity to stop trying to prove something. We have to learn to be content with what we are." - Marjorie Pay Hinckley

Thank you for your blog and sharing so many great recipes. May God bless all three of you as your pregnancies progress!

Jessi said...

All I can say is wow. I didn't respond to the first post you made about this....you needed a break, so take a break....it seemed as simple as that to me. But that comment? On its own, okay, ignore and move on, but there were multiple comments like that?

That's absolutely unacceptable. How dare they! I'm impressed you were able to respond in such a cool and calm manner. This is a hobby. Something you do because you enjoy. You should 'never' feel like you owe any of us a recipe or a post, especially when it comes at the expense of your own well being or your family's well being (which is obviously effected by yours, too).

I really hope others can take what you said in the post to heart....truly inspirational to those mommies who are constantly comparing or feeling like they're not doing enough.

Katy said...

What a wonderful retort! You have such a kind spirit to respond so graciously to such a mean-spirited nay-sayer. Thank you for your encouragement, too. I'm one of those who constantly compares herself to other women (including Crystal Paine!), so I needed to hear that. God bless all three of you and congratulations!

Tori said...

WOW! That commenter really had some...issues with you taking a hiatus to care for your families and yourselves. My first thought was to pray for her because maybe there is something on her heart that goes much deeper than her words.

Nevertheless, my prayers are with you all during some down time. Remember, even the Lord required a break now and then!

Tammy said...

You have been providing a FREE SERVICE! The key words here are FREE and SERVICE. I am very grateful for all of the time and energy that you have put into helping make my life easier - and I know tons of others feel the same way!
Shame on anyone who would criticize you for putting your priorities in the CORRECT order. God, Self, Family, then everything else...
Good for you for finding peace in your quest for balance - and thanks for sharing your time and talents with us thus far! Best of wishes!

Satsuki Rebel said...

You did an excellent job in answering that remark. I agree Crystal is an inspiration. We can't all be Crystal. I'm glad you're taking the time off as you need it. I've found that taking a day or two away from my blog every week has helped keep me refreshed. I can still enjoy it without it becoming a chore. Congrats on the pregnancies and take a break, things will be hectic enough soon anyways. ^^

Ang:) said...

Wow- Crystal may have it all together on the outside, but definately not on the inside. What a mean, nasty comment to make. Maybe she is just truly miserable in her own life & it is all just a show- makes me wonder?

Anyway, I love the comment quoted, by Sister Hinckley- well said:)

Trisha said...

I respect you so much for taking a "break" from all this! You know enough to know that your family comes first before anything else. This blog is wonderful and it helps US...I have pitty on someone who would think you're lazy!

If someone needs your blog to be able to cook meals for their family - then they're the ones who are lazy...this is simply a help to all of us who should be so greatful! (and i am!) I've passed your blog along to others who are looking for new ideas. THey'll find plenty in the archives. Thank you so much!

I will be praying for all 3 of you as you take a break right now! God will bless you for putting Him and your family first. :)

Kim and Tony Miller said...

Wow! I am so sorry that someone actually made that comment to you guys. I read your blog regularly and never leave a comment but when I read that I thought that you guys are so amazing for taking the time to take pictures and show step by step how to make meals on a daily basis. Family comes first and if anything you are an example to women to remind them that you need to take care of yourselves and your family before worrying about what strangers think. Take all the time you need to recover ladies - being a woman can be hard work sometimes and we all need breaks.

Rayna said...

I too have enjoyed your blog from time to time for some wonderful recipes! Everyone already said it, "good for you, take the needed break".
There's plenty of recipes to search for here and elsewhere. How could someone not understand that sometimes we busy moms have to cut back and then come back
re-energized!

Crafty Mom said...

Oh my goodness! What an incredibly insensitive comment! While some women may breeze through pregnancy with all the joys of a new being in their womb, for many other women, pregnancy is full of very mixed emotions while battling significant physical discomforts and illness. As far as I'm concerned, this is YOUR blog! If the 3 of you need a break, then you need a break. PERIOD. It doesn't *matter* WHAT the reason. I wish the three of you all the best in all that you are dealing with! I just discovered your blog through Today's Creative Blog. I've only read the most recent posts but I can tell, simply by your response to that comment, that I'm really going to enjoy reading this blog! Having said that, only post when *you* feel like it!!!! You are not accountable to anyone but yourself, your family and God.

Stephanie said...

Well, I'm a little slow on the upswing...I don't read your blog everyday (gasp, I know, I know :)) so I didn't realize all that was going on.

I would like to say while I do not agree with Aimee's comment and I completely disagree with her ugly tone, it seems to me she may have something deeper going on. I don't know for sure of coarse, but it has bothered me all day and I have been very burdened for her. So I am going to take some time to pray for her tonight.

And as for you girls...I would like to tell you that your response was seasoned with grace and I appreciate your mercy toward another who might be struggling and lashed out at you.

I'm not expert, but I'm a little further along in life than you and would just like to encourage you that this is just a season in your lifes and soon it will be gone. Do what needs to be done to enjoy serving your young familys. You will never regret the time you put into them.

Kelly said...

As a fellow blogger, I applaud you for putting your family and self first. It is a very hard balance being a wife, mommy and blogging, ESPECIALLY when it isn't a primary source of income! I fail miserably most days, and it inspires me to see you take a break, to trust in the Lord for your provision.

The right readers will stay and I want to encourage you to keep it up, take your break - ENJOY it and the blessings God has surrounded you with!

LOL,
Kelly

Tammy Sue said...

Blessings to you !!! This is a wonderful blog and I am very greatful for all the great recipes and ideas. THank You for standing up and reminding MOMs that we arent to do everything, just what GOd has asked us to do. Enjoy your time off, There is a season for everything include'Selah"

Jennifer said...

Love your blog, some comments are better just deleted immediately, some people find fault in others to keep their minds of their own.

Hope you are feeling well. I'm an occasional visitor to your site and I've enjoyed looking at your recipes!!

30dollarweeklygrocerychallenge said...

Good for you for putting your family first. So many times our family gets put on the back burner for other things. Our children are only young once and will not always need us in this way. Your response to the negative comment was so gracefully executed. I commend you for your decision and for handling it in the manner that you did!

christybusybee said...

Please remember that God made us all individuals and because of that, we have different needs and desires. There is such a mentality out there that we need to DO IT ALL or we are not good enough. That is so not true and makes unrealistic expectations to our friends, families and especially our children who will eventually grow up and try to emulate us.

APPLAUSE, for being an individual, standing up for what you believe in and doing what you feel is right for your families.

MIN:) said...

You all have done such a wonderful job. This is a free service you have been giving, and we can not expect more from you then you desire to do. Thank You for all of your hard work.

Giggles and Grins said...

I love the blog and I have learned a lot from it. I am shocked and appalled that some people would leave those kinds of comments about you taking a break. In my book you are being a responsible mother and homemaker taking time away from the cyberworld to spend more time in the real world. Of course you need a break!! It is summer for crying out loud. I took a break from my personal blogging to enjoy the summer with my children. It's your life and your blog and if you want to stop, why is it anyone else's business. You are being very gracious about the way people are treating you. Good for you fro not stooping to their level. If and when you choose to update, I will be happy to jump back in, but until then, enjoy your family, get some rest and recooperate yourself and your family!

annanay said...

I am brand new to your website and came across this post on your blog...everything happens for a reason. There are so many women that needed to hear what you had to say, including me.

Not everyone has equivalent energy levels. I am a teacher and returning to work tomorrow. I was becoming depressed thinking of how I was going to handle working full time again and taking care of my 12 month old while my husband works 12 hours a day. Thanks for reassuring me that what counts is doing our best!!

April said...

Well said! I can't believe that woman left a comment like that! I just now found your blog and will definitely be coming back frequently for recipes. I have 3 kids of my own with a 4th on the way, 4 dogs to care for and a hubby who is working 80+ hours per week right now. I too had a blog for a bit, but started feeling overwhelmed with everything else I had to keep up with too, so I deleted it. I commend you all for deciding to leave it up to come back to later when things settle down. =)

dazguti said...

THANK YOU for taking the time to blog and make OUR lives easier! Which this blog truly does! God Bless you and your families.